TRUMPALICIOUS: Up In The Gym Just Working On His Fitness

Donald Trump during Launch of Trump Steaks at The Sharper Image at The Sharper Image in New York City, New York, United States. (Photo by Stephen Lovekin/WireImage for Hill & Knowlton)

I was watching CNN the other night (first mistake), and a panel of “experts” was taking turns bashing Donald Trump’s “fitness”. Don Lemon, Maria Cardona, Rick Wilson and others, all took the opportunity to declare the President seriously “unfit”, and I’ve got to tell you, I think they were being a little unfair.

The man is 71 years old. He showed us on the campaign trail, and thus far in his presidency, that he has serious energy reserves for someone his age.

Sure, Trump seems to have a penchant for McDonald’s and fast-food, but so did Bill Clinton. I didn’t hear CNN going on about Bill’s “fitness” when he was jogging to the local Mickey D’s to pick up a Big Mac or two.

And sure, other presidents have been more physically active, but they were also much younger men. George W. Bush was a marathon runner, and later, a devoted cyclist. Barack Obama (although he denies it) is a well known health-nut, who supposedly eats seven lightly-salted almonds as an evening snack every night. Apparently even the founding fathers were relatively sporty, often preferring equestrian athletics to the more modern workouts we have today.

The thing about CNN’s panel that really bugged me though, was that they didn’t even try to offer solutions. And they aren’t the only ones to come up short in that regard. California Congresswoman Jackie Speier (D-CA) even suggested that Trump should be removed from office through invocation of the 25th amendment! Maybe it’s just me, but it seems a little extreme to overthrow a duly elected president just because he isn’t into exercise.

Well, ok then, I’ll do what CNN refused to do: I’ll offer President Trump some fitness tips. That way we can make like Olivia Newton John and get physical, instead of being overthrown in a celebrity tweet inspired coup.

So here’s my advice:

President Trump, you could take up dancing, like Madeline Albright did in North Korea! That dance clearly benefitted Albright’s “fitness” and it also prevented the nuclearization of North Kor… ehhhh. Well, her fitness was probably improved.

If dancing isn’t your thing, Mr. President, you could take up wrestling. There’s a great chance you’ll need those skills when dealing with Mitch McConnell and Paul Ryan on tax reform and Obamacare repeal (round two).

Of course, if wrestling is a bit too physical, maybe you could just take a nice leisurely stroll. Moving at your own speed, even when those around you are bothered by it, is critically important to maintaining fitness and not over-exerting yourself. Best to take it slow, you know, like the democrats in Congress are when it comes to approving your administration and judicial appointments.

All of this could be combined with a dip into the pugilistic pool, sparring with the media whenever you feel the need to entertain yourself. Of course, sparring implies your blows are tempered and don’t actually damage your partner. And given the recent level of whining by the media, you may need to hold back a bit more than you have been lately.

There. Was that so hard? Couldn’t CNN’s panel have looked for and suggested solutions before just lambasting Trump’s physical fitness?

Wait… what? Oh wow… I’m sorry folks, this is embarrassing, but I’ve just now been informed that the CNN panel, and Democratic politicians have all been talking about Trump’s “mental health” as a cause for concern. Apparently, they were saying he was “mentally” unfit.

But… but that’s even more ridiculous than what I was saying. Just ask Hillary, or Jeb, or Marco, or Ted, or any of the other experienced, professional politicians he crushed.

CNN, please get it together. I’m beginning to strongly suspect your network is not “fit” to be reporting the news.