DONALD TRUMP’S ECLIPSE: The End Is Nigh In 2017

On August 21st, the brilliant, reassuring glow of our Sun will momentarily cease to exist. The sudden shift from the familiar illumination of daytime, to the inky blackness of night, will captivate millions of onlookers, all eager to witness a truly once in a lifetime event. As the Sun is eclipsed in totality by the Moon, the magnificence of the Sun’s corona will emerge. Attenuated strands of light will twist and weave around the eclipse, dazzling a truly enormous audience, many of whom will battle unimaginable mass migration for a meager two and a half minutes in its path.

Some of these witnesses will see a ‘diamond formation’ emerge from the Sun’s thin bands of light. Others, preoccupied with their disappointment in America, will see narrow contours of light, solely forming around the crown of the eclipse. The wisps flow forward slightly, and then backward, away from the tip of the event. They gently rest upon the side of the… hey, wait a minute. Is that Trump’s hair?

Ominous mythology surrounding a total solar eclipse has permeated ancient cultures for millennia. Whether it be a god, a demon or an animal ‘devouring’ the sun, eclipses were almost universally regarded as very bad news for the people of earth. Confirming the doom and gloom, we now know, thanks to a recent article from The Boston Globe, that “the solar eclipse path will overwhelmingly pass over Trump country”. Oh excellent, how fitting…

The author of The Boston Globe article, Matt Rocheleau, sets the scene:

“There are about 240 counties roughly along the central path of the eclipse, a 70-mile-wide trail extending across the country where people will be able to see a total eclipse, meaning the sun will appear completely obscured by the moon.”

He continues:

“And about 92 percent of those counties swung in Trump’s favor, while fewer than two dozen counties voted for his opponent, Hillary Clinton.”

Is this coincidence? I encourage you to examine the evidence presented and come to your own conclusions, but Rocheleau does provide a (get your finger quotes ready) compelling case for the Sun “throwing shade at Clinton supporters”.

How desperate can the left get?

I read the article and was left with this image of Boston Globe employees huddled around stacks of district voting records, plotting the course of the eclipse with thumb-tacks and string, only stopping briefly to eat Chinese delivery and watch ‘The Rachel Maddow Show’. After all, what’s the point of being a journalist if you can’t take a moment to catch up on new Russian collusion conspiracy theories of the day?

With stories like this, I’m anxiously awaiting a Boston Globe followup, outlining global climate change’s impact on solar eclipses.

Look, if you’re brave enough to battle the masses, grab your special solar eclipse glasses, and book any hotel room still available on the path. Those leftists huddled in Trump-inspired terror can relax, the darkness will only last a short spell. The Sun will reemerge from behind the Moon and life will continue. For those of us retaining our sanity, August 21st will be a day to remember. For the left, the eclipse may have only just begun.